Eat cheese at 11PM and it's okay say yes or no to what you need.

Sometimes we have to be brave when we don’t think we have it in us. 
Sometimes we have to say yes to things when they feel right but scare us.
Sometimes we have to say no to things that we know are hurting us. 

Don’t do exercise if it hurts you and you hate it. Don’t eat foods that make you sick (lol -shout out to my fellow dairy sensitive humans and their lactic stash)

Spend time with people that don’t make you question your worth or leave you drained. Meet new people that make you feel excited. This isn’t drop everyone you have every spoken to, but be mindful and protective and loving to yourself and whatever you need. 

What you need is not the same as what someone else needs. That is okay. One person’s way of living/exisiting/ being a human is not who you are. You are not wrong or bad or flawed or broken because of this. 

You do not have feel bad. You do not need to bully yourself for eating cheese at 11PM and you don’t have to be friends with someone that leaves you feeling drained. It’s never too late to take a step in a new direction.

If you are struggling with buckets of self doubt and perfectionism in life and food and your relationship with exercise and relationships and your body. I’m here. It’s never too late. You are never too old or busy to work on your sh*t. And if it’s not time, it’s not time. 

Hit reply to sign up for or learn more about coaching :)

Skip Yoga, throw axes

Are you bullying yourself for “not working out enough?” If moving your body in some way/ exercise /fitness is something you enjoy (don’t worry - stay with me if it’s something you don’t as well). IT IS NEVER A BAD TIME TO “RESTART” 

When I say restart I never mean suddenly coming out full steam ahead and plan 5 - 6 days a week workouts. I mean start where you are and do what you want. Today. For 5 min. For 50. For 10. Dance in your kitchen, run a mile, garden, lift weights, do a 10 minute yoga video, draw with some chalk outside with a kid or solo, kick box, rollerskate, throw axes, go for a walk - there are no rules.

There is no wrong way to move your body. What will work for YOUR body is your own to know. What works for your best friend is not the same as you. You do not have to run if you hate running. You do not need to take HITT classes or yoga if you hate yoga. If you love them - yes! 

If you are someone that knows they want to move their body more but you don’t know how - what did you enjoy doing as a kid? What feels fun and sustainable?

If you are someone that likes to move but falls in/out of doing all the things and doing nothing cycles - what if you intentionally planned to do less? What is the worst that can happen? 

I love helping people with finding sustainable movement practices that work and building routines for real life. You can hit reply if you have a question or want to learn more or you can learn more about coaching here.

It's okay to eat food with ingredients you can't pronounce

It’s okay to eat food with ingredients you can’t pronounce. Maybe you can’t say 1/2 the words in your grocery store frozen quiche. Does it have veggies, carbs, protein and sh*t you need? YES! Does it matter if you can’t pronounce the fun snack you find in the check out aisle? No. It’s a fun snack.

Sometimes when we work on healing our relationship with food we get stuck in perfectionism. We give ourselves permission to eat, listen to our hunger, trust our body. We hold ourselves back when we obsess about what we allow.

I get it. I remember going through this phase- the I only want to eat food that has ingredients I can pronounce era. We don’t want to eat something that’s not food right? You aren’t going to cut up on a bar of soap for an appetizer. (I don’t think you are at least!?). Where it doesn’t make sense is that unless you have an extensive chemistry background, most foods have components that most of us can’t pronounce.

Take apples for example. They include phloridzin and catechin. I have zero idea how to pronounce these. If 2008 saw those on a label, I would probably put the food back because I didn’t know how to pronounce it.

Your body and brain always need food. What is available? What is accessible? What works for you? What are YOU really needing? What tastes good? All of these questions matter so much more than “can I pronounce everything in this.”

One thing I am pretty sure about is that you won’t just only ever eat cookies and never stop eating cookies. I know it can feel this way and you believe it. It is hard to figure it all out. If you find yourself feeling like you can only eat certain types of foods, try to challenge yourself a few times a week this week and see what happens. Here if you need support. You can find out more about working with me here.

I talk more about this on instagram. You can find me here if you aren’t following me. For regular updates, sign up for my newsletter here.

“We are saddled with body shame because it is an age-old system whose roots and pockets are deep. Body shame flourishes in our world because profit and power depend on it.”

- Sonya Renee Taylor in The Body Is Not An Apology

I worked for Weight Watchers and was a horrible employee because I felt good about my body.

I worked for Weight Watchers and was a horrible employee because I felt good about my body. (You are not supposed to feel good about yourself and trust your own body or doctor if you work there). I also really didn’t like weighing people and would just try to chat with them about their day and their feelings and make them feel a sense of belonging and not shamed before they weighed in - not exactly what I was supposed to do) 

I had been on my own journey - well really a life long journey of reclaiming my health, listening to my own body and figuring how what I needed and wanted for my body and life. I liked the community aspect of weight watchers. I liked the part where people sat together and shared how their week was and that they ate ice cream and someone else said ME TOO! and everyone instantly felt less shame. I liked the magic that happens when people come together in community and feel less alone. I wanted to be part of creating that for people. I later learned that I didn’t need to work at WW to do that. I could create my own business and do the same thing. We all start somewhere. 

When I was hired I was not in the “correct”  BMI range. Fuck, I don’t actually think I have ever been. EVER. Maybe for like 2 minutes when I was 5 years old? People have always been surprised by how much I weighed and I’ve had a lifetime of people telling me how/when/what I need to do with my life. Thank you doctors, teachers, friends, parents, friends parents, magazines, tv, guidance counselors…should I keep going here? I CAN keep going…

I was probably for the first time in my life in a place with my body that I felt good in. It was a new place for me so I was unsteady when speaking about it and it was a process. While I was still focused on a number on the scale (I had been conditioned by society to care about this for my entire life) I started to focus less on it because I even though I was gaining weight, my pants size was going down, I felt more energized and I had a medical check up + blood test that said I was "excellent" (look I was excited that for ONCE someone gave me an "excellent" for something - NOT (!!!) that you need to have any of these things. I'm sharing to set the stage for what my mindset was and where my physical body was at (on the inside at the time) summary = I felt good. 

For the first time in my life I was starting to feel comfortable and confident in my body. FULLY comfortable. Then I was told it wasn’t good enough. It didn’t matter that I felt great. I had to change. Those were the rules. 

(These are emails from a part of my time there. They are unedited except for the names (hi ___ and when I say "best, kimberly" I don't give her name. It's all there and some of it makes me embarrassed that I said, but it's the truth.) 

---

Middle of January several years ago: 
Boss: “Hi Kimberly, You are getting so close to goal - bravo!  Can you see yourself 4 pounds less?  What is your goal and tell me what you want to have happen with your weight - when do you want to get there?”

Me: "Thank you very much! Happy New Year, by the way. I can definitely see myself 4 pounds less. My goal was 137, but I think 140 might be more realistic. I would like to get there and maintain it. I think the high 130s/low 140s range would be a good place for me. I'm not sure when I want to get here by, but it is my goal - as slow or as fast as it goes. Ideally by late March/Early April based on a healthy weight loss pace."

Boss: "OK – that works!  It is important to have a goal so you know where you are going. Are you still thinking you would like to be a leader?  I know you are not working at the moment but I could put you to work as a leader anytime!  You need to be at goal so you can think about this – no pressure and no rush. "

Me: "Yes, the idea of being a leader still sounds very exciting to me! As I am still on my own weight loss journey I'm not sure that I am quite ready to advise anyone yet. Hopefully I will be there soon!"

As you can, there is still questioning and doubting myself happening. Change doesn’t happen over night - esp. when someone in authority makes you feel like you are wrong. It felt uncomfortable, but I didn’t know what to say. That quickly changed. Her "no rush" comment was BS. I was in one role, but in order to be in another/continue working there, It was mandatory that I be a certain weight. 

Beginning of February, about 3 weeks later (I had ignored her “advice”). I was running, doing a bit of strength training and eating what felt good and gave me energy. I felt in sync with my body and what it needed. It felt good to listen to my body.

She was not happy. I received this email:

Boss: "Hi Kimberly, I know you have been traveling which makes the plan harder.  As a WW employee you need to demonstrate the success that you are! However, you are not yet at the top of your healthy range. You need to weigh in weekly until you get to the top of the range.  Does that feel doable?  How can I help?  are you attending a meeting?"

Me: “No I have not been going to meetings. I thought it was okay to be within 10 pounds of the top of the healthy weight range in order to be a receptionist? Would it help you if I got a note from my doctor? I had my annual physical a few months back and I was told by my doctor that my weight was great (when it was higher than at the moment) - after doing tests and blood work and everything coming back as either "very good" or "excellent." She actually mentioned that I should ignore the BMI scale. I'm happy to give you a copy of those results if weight watchers needs it.“

—> I was enraged when I received the email. This seemed like a calm way to respond. I thought saying "WELL my doctor says I’m great" would make a difference. I was pissed off that someone was telling me my body wasn’t good enough (yet again).

Boss: “Yes, it is OK to be within 10 pounds to be hired and work.  But you need to lose 2 pounds per month until you get to the top of the range and get to LT.  I don’t want to stress you and this is not meant to be punitive.  I just want to see you keep heading down!  Does 2 pounds seem doable? As long as it is OK for you to lose weight I don’t need the MD note.  The only reason to get a note is if you want a goal that is over the 25 BMI or you have a reason that weight loss is not healthy for you at this time.  I don’t think either apply, right?”

ME: "I am a bit confused - so I can't be 10 pounds above to work? It is mandatory that I reach 2 pounds per month? It does not stress me out at all nor do I feel that it is punitive. I am just comfortable at my current weight, especially since my health overall is great. I have been focusing much more on fitness (training for a half marathon) than weight loss so that is where I am at.  I am okay to lose weight, and yes, my ultimate goal is maybe around 140, but I can't be sure of that. I might get to 150 and feel great about that as well. I am not in a rush to get there which is why I mentioned my doctor's visit."

-> I was trying to stay strong in what I said. I was mad because she was telling me how I was feeling. I wasn’t feeling stressed. I never said I was. I hated how she spoke to me. It did make me feel small so I responded and was still trying to proof my worth by siting a specific number to please someone else. (spoiler: NEVER GOT THERE because hello it's nonsense.) I was working out and feeling good, but of course in the back of my head I still had an idea that I was “supposed" to look one way. You can see that it’s a mix of me being self assured but also doubtful. It’s a cycle. I know many of us stay in this headspace for awhile. IT SUCKS. This is the journey. I happen to have my in email. The boss was NOT happy with me saying I felt good or defending myself.

Boss: "I’ll call you tomorrow and we can talk, it 9:15-9:30 AM OK?  You have to be LT to work for WW.  You can be hired with 10 pounds to go but you need to continue to make progress at a rate of 2 pounds per month to get there.  There is flexibility in that but you need to lose.  LT for employment purposes means the top of your range.  I think you are 5’5”(?) so that means 155.  Your actual goal may be 140. Let’s talk and I can make it clear.  It is on page 33-35 in the employee handbook for your reference."

That was it. She ignored what I said about me and my doctor and how I felt. She called me the next day. I repeated the same thing and just said things like “ok sounds good” I ignored her advice. I didn't lose the weight I was supposed to lose. I'm pretty sure I gained a few more pounds (see: training for a race. Feeding my body. You know - living...) I stopped working at that location and started working at another location temporarily and then I stopped working there all together. 

You might look at this photo and think What!? That's crazy "you look great." What I am saying doesn't deserve more attention than someone in a larger body that would say the same thing. You might listen to me because I run/look smaller/am the "acceptable" version of body positive in many ways, but my body is not better than anyone else's. Weight stigma is harmful. we need to not judge people in larger bodies. The "help" and "concern" you have are actually more harmful to health than you think. It impacts lives.

This is me a few months after I was told I needed to lose more weight because it was in the employee handbook. I stayed around the same number which was never in the BMI scale because I didn't want to have to stop working out and eating so that my weight would be acceptable.

I’m sharing this because THIS WORK IS FUCKING HARD. There are times when you question yourself and your believes and you are shakeable - especially after a lifelong experience in diet culture and someone in authority telling you what you need to do, what you should do, and how you should look. She was telling me what I should weigh and made me feel my value was directly connected to it. 

I know this isn't the worst thing and that many people have to deal with daily commentary about their body - but It was just another thing where I thought FOR FUCKS SAKE. I want you to know that it’s not okay to judge someone based on their weight. You also don’t need to judge yourself. You don’t need to weigh yourself every day, every week, every month or even at ALL. Your value does not come in any WAY/SHAPE/ FORM FROM A NUMBER ON A plastic or glass piece of shit. It’s plastic with a battery covering it. (same goes for your pants size. It doesn't = value). Why are you giving all your power away to these things?  I know it's because when you get there then it's when when everything will be good. Then you can start doing all the other things. We are promised that everything will be solved, but even when we get to those places then we usually only stay there for a short time and then feel bad when we leave them. We cycle in and out - often throughout our lives. This sucks. 

I gave my power away to a scale and diets and what I thought was right because it felt like the answer. It felt like if you could just get to x number I would feel good. THAT is where I would have no problems. I mean I knew in my head that all my problems wouldn't be solved, but the goal was still there. I thought "well I don’t want to be TOO THIN". I gave up on my original obsession of being 135 pounds because that would be a perfect spot on the BMI scale, but OF COURSE I told myself I still had to be within the range - just at the top. I have no recollection of ever being in that range at any point. I’ve been higher weights of course but I have always been deemed unacceptable by numbers no matter what my body looked like who how "fit" I was/was not. My body settled where it was supposed to be - where it felt good and it’s pretty much been there since. Sure it probably deviates sometimes, but the set range is always the same. I don't obsess about it. I just live my life. It's pretty f*cking great not worrying about it. Does that mean I never had a bad body day? NO, I AM HUMAN. But it means I don't let my life be controlled by other people's expectations or a battery wrapped in plastic. 

This is a small example of weight stigma people face every day. I have the privilege of a passable body. Weight stigna and oppression do not help people with their health. They never will help. This is real and it’s part of society. We often don't realize that the comments, commentary and compliments we give people can contribute. 

We need to stop valuing bodies that only look one way. Not everyone has the courage to stand up to BS (or a body that would be listened to as easily as mine if they did speak out). It takes time and discomfort. If you need help with it, I am HERE. I didn’t just wake up one day and become the person I am today with courage to speak out. It took a LONG TIME. The above was one of the few breaking points towards the end of my journey where the lights came on and I started to see that I was not the problem. My body was not the problem. Other people’s narrow minded views and expectations were the problem. 

The companies and programs that teach you that you are going to change your life and feel good by counting points/macros, cutting out sugar for 21 days, carbs for 30 and whatever else you cut out are part of the problem. These are always based on someone else’s rules for what you should do and what your body and life should look like. (even when these people are trying to help and they say it comes from a "good" place) You are never given the chance to listen to your own body so you default to someone else's food and life rules. They often work short term, but leave you stuck in cycles of good and bad behavior on/off the wagon and result in passing on beauty and body expectations to our daughters, nieces and friends. We say we want to change the world, but then why are we still letting plastic and restriction tell us how to live our lives? Why are we passing these rules onto the next generation? I believe we have the power to change how the game is played. 

Need help with this? Join my 2x a month email HERE. Or find out more about working with me HERE. 

If you would like additional information on the science of weight, here are a few resources I would suggest as a starting point:

• https://nutritionj.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1475-2891-10-9

• https://www.hindawi.com/journals/jobe/2014/983495/
  
  

"You shouldn't look the way you do for college interviews" An open letter to a horrible dietitian

Dear horrible nutritionist/dietitian (whatever your title was with ALL your degrees), 

When I was 17 you told me I “shouldn’t look the way I do” when I was was about to go on college interviews. 

I needed help.

I went to your office because I was feeling lost with food and generally really depressed and you told me my value as a person was contingent on my ability to make myself physical smaller. That was my issue? really? 

Leaving your office that day I felt even worse than when I walked in. I felt alone, misunderstand, and numb. I never went back to your office because I knew you were wrong. I didn’t have the words to express how I felt then beside saying “mmmhmm. okay. right” and staying silent. Don't worry, I found them now: 

FUCK YOU. 

You are/were a medical provider that was supposed to create a safe space for people. The first words out of your mouth were that I shouldn’t look the way I looked. “Let’s get a handle on this. We don’t want you going to college interviews looking the way you do.” 

You were “well known” in your field. You came “highly recommended.” Why were you trying to base my value as a person on if the chicken breast I wanted to eat was the size of my palm or not? 

Didn’t you want to know how I was feeling? And why? I think you just wanted another person to walk away from your office as a "success story" that you could tell other clients. You didn’t care.

I’m so glad I knew enough to know that you were wrong. I never went back to your office. What about the other people? What about the other people that don’t have the same amount of trust in themselves (and resources) to know right from wrong with people in authority? Did those girls keep coming back to your office week after week feeling bad? Did you make them feel worse? 

This is not unique. Many people have the same experiences. Medical providers fail people every single day. There is so much more to health then the space a body takes up in a room. I don’t know how long it will take for people to realize that, but I hope they do so soon so that less 17 year old teenagers have to walk out of offices and into college interviews feeling the way I felt.

————

PS. I got into my top choice college after going on my interviews “looking the way I do.” Now I help people so they aren’t caused the same harm you caused me. Thanks for letting me know what helping people does NOT look like. You were one of many. 

Raise your hand if you love being body shamed!

Body Shaming at Bloomingdales. My personal experience.

I write this to highlight how normalized body shaming is. A lot of times until someone turns on the lighbulb, we don’t see how often if happens. Don't worry, HERE I AM. I'll highlight it for you! 

I was recently in the department store Bloomingdales trying on a dress for a friend’s wedding. I know what I like and I know what looks good on me. I found a few things and went to the dressing room. One dress I loved, I felt like would look best if there was a way to cinch my waist (show of my figure, duh!) This is the conversation verbatim as I came out of the dressing room to talk to the sales associate. (I rarely ever ask for help in stores, but it wasn’t a busy hour so I thought why not) 

Me: “I love this dress, but do you have any belts that I could try on to wear with it? I lose my body shape” 
Sales Associate: “You don’t want to wear a belt with that.”
Me: “Yes, I would like to, I lose my body shape so I want to show it”
Sales Associate: “But then it will show your tummy. You don’t want that. (says while pointing to her “tummy” for added effect and shaking head in no motion)
Me: “Yes I do want a belt. I want to emphasize my waist.”
Sales Associate: You do? (puzzled/surprised/alarmed expression)
Me: “I love my tummy. My body is awesome, Thank you.” (I did a full up and down gesture with my hands of my entire body as I said this - obviously ;) ) 
Sales Associate: “ok belts on on second floor” (defeated voice)

The entire time another sales associate was standing right next to us and said nothing. 

Is this the worst thing in the world? No, obviously not. It is very subtle. She was criticizing me and my body and my judgements/love for my body in a very subtle way. Yes, I know most people would not say anything or overly gesture and shout how much they like their body, but most people are not me. I'm not being "too sensitive" if that's your first thought. This is not okay. I stayed firm and expressed myself. Would I have done the same on a less confident body day? Maybe yes, maybe not. (Yes, these happen. I am normal too. Just like you. There is no perfect - don't forget it).

I left the store and reached out to Bloomingdales on twitter: 

They asked me to private message them so I sent them the above conversation. Then I received an email from someone in the marketing department in NYC also asking a number and a time to contact me. I gave both the number and the time, but no one contacted me. Let that tell you what it will. 

In other news… thank you Nordstrom for having the dress I wanted in stock. I ordered online from them :) 

No one should have to go into a shop and feel like if they ask for help, they will be body shamed. I don’t care if someone is in a larger body, a thin body, a curvy body, a disabled body- who the F cares. A body is a body. Stop making people feel bad for existing in their own body.  If someone feels good (and also isn’t asking if they look good - PS I looked fucking great) then no comments need to be made.

Even if you aren’t the person that would body shame someone. Don’t also be the person or stands by and says nothing. Use your voice. If if you are body shaming yourself? Stop that too. I can help with that, click over here :) 

Have a similar story to share? let me know below or you can reach me directly over email: kim@kimberlyweiss.com I would love for you to share this so people know and understand how much this happens - both in whispers and out loud. 

------------------

UPDATE: I ended up speaking to both the store manager and someone in customer service at their main office. They were of course apologetic and felt bad, but other than shaming the employee (which is not what I wanted), nothing changed. I suggested changing their training and that I would be happy to provide my services if they wanted help in this area. All I got were apologies and shock. While I appreciate that they were sorry, it's going to happen again if company culture is not changed. Until then I'll be shopping in Nordstrom. 

What really happens when you go on a diet, lose weight, and feel AMAZING

What happens? 

You try a “diet” called a “diet”  but also code named often as “cleanse” “way of eating” “clean.” 

It works. 

You lose weight. 

You feel light. 

You get compliments. 

Fast forward 30/60 days/3 months/1 Year. LIFE happens. You eat carbs. You eat sugar. You tell yourself you are “bad” because you at “bad” food. You go on vacation, you were “SO BAD” and “ate so much." 

You feel bad about yourself. You start another diet. Repeat cycle. Repeat again… FINALLY (maybe?) realize it’s not about putting food into “good” or “bad” catgories, you are tired of falling in/out of feeling good/bad. 

The problem is that these things DO NOT WORK. They only work short term. They do not teach you how to deal with what is really going on (in your body or head). You know that an apple might be better for you than a cookie. duh. You don’t need a fucking diet plan to tell you that, but you still sign up for these plans. You follow, it works, then it doesn’t, feel bad, repeat. It's not great. You know it's not. You are happy and feel great when you do them/end them, but then when you are "bad" you feel guilt and shame and honestly disappointed in yourself so you try again. The problem is not you. It's what you are trying and the system that takes advantage of keeping you on the shitty diet mentality treadmill. (We can call it the "clean eating" treadmill if that makes you feel better. Same thing). 

It doesn’t matter how it is broken down. You guys -->> you can literally go ON a cookie diet. (google it). It IS a thing. You will lose weight. You will feel lighter. You will get those same compliments I mentioned earlier. 

You join programs and you tell other people you do it because you want to “be heathier” I don’t care if it’s the south beach diet, the atkins diet or now whole 30. THEY ARE ALL THE SAME. You don’t tell people it’s because you want to lose weight, but secretly you do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight by the way! Topic for another blog. You say you want to “get healthy” because socially that’s acceptable even though “get healthy” is usually code for “lose weight” when health is about waaaaaaay more than weight. You know this and you are thinking "YES I know. But I still want to be thin."

It sucks. It sucks to see people do these things. It sucks to see people feel good. Then fast forward 6 months/1 year/2 years and realize they are still in the same place. They still think they are good or bad based on what they ate.  Their value is what the number on the scale says or their pants size (not actually how they feel or what their doctor actually says).  Maybe they are thin/fat/really "in shape". Doesn't matter because visually you often can only tell a tiny bit about how someone feels day to day. I know people on all levels of the body spectrum that have the same exact thoughts and say/do the same exact things. It sucks. 

The honest truth is that I’m not even against these plans as a whole. I love people testing out new things for themselves and their body.  The problem is that they say they go into with with wanting to develop a healthy lifestyle, but usually these programs are not grounded in long term success and what the person still *really* wants is not "health" but is to lose 20/30/40/50 pounds and be thin. Thin becomes more important than health, but no one wants to say that. These plans are not set up for that. They are set up to give you short term wins and teach you that if you eat this way you are good, if you don't then that's why you are not healthy, don't feel good and are fat and unworthy. 

If you are reading this and relate, Email me: kim@Kimberlyweiss.com Shoot me a quick email and tell me ONE thing you could use some help with. I promise to answer. Or share your thoughts below. You are not the problem. Your body is not the problem. Your willpower is not the problem. 

“There is a reason you see so many fat joggers” and other stupid comments

A few months ago I was at running based workout that I signed up for to challenge me to improve my running. I was super excited for it because I like to challenge myself do things I don’t normally do (both physically and otherwise). Running has completely changed my life and my views on my body and relationship with health (a blog for another time) so of course I was excited to try something different. Before we got started, the leader who happened to be a former male olympic athlete was sharing his experience with running/sprinting and then went on to say “There is a reason you see so many fat joggers” No, this is not taken out of context. That is what he said. He was explaining the benefit of sprinting on the body (fair enough) and the session was informative and challenging, BUT the issue I have with it is that it’s insensitive and stupid and not in any way helpful to the group of women that were there (some regular runners, some beginner runners, and some people that had never run, but were nervous about it and dealing with their own views about their bodies and fitness so this isn’t exactly a helpful or necessary thing to say). If someone asked a specific question about body weight and sprinting vs. jogging then sure go ahead share away, but that’s not what happened.

It implies that if you are “fat” you are somehow flawed. That fitness can only look one way.(Interesting because I have seen "fit" look a hell of a lot of different ways and come in so many shapes and sizes) It also implies there is something wrong in some way with jogging. You are only doing it right if YOU ARE SLIM, a weight that falls into this male’s preferred body weight and run at a certain speed. AWESOME!!! Guess that crosses off most people from the list that enjoy physical activity just to enjoy it because it makes them feel good about themselves. Fitness for the sake of feeling good/strong is overrated. Fitness so you can fit into society’s ideal of what it should be is the goal isn’t it!? (I missed that memo, my bad)

There are tons of athletes/people that would identify as being fat and prove that it does not equate with athletitic ability or worth. Here is a quick example: Say hello to Michelle Carter who took up a gold medal for team USA at the Olympics in shot put and another hello to Sarah Robles, a powerhouse weight lifter who recently said:“I have a bronze medal and I was able to be myself, embrace my body, do the things I’m naturally fitted to do to help make my dreams come true.... To challenge ‘normal’ ideals is an important thing....It’s cool to be me. I’m big and strong and putting it all for good use.”

These are my people. These women are my inspiration. Big, small, any size. I love the olympics because it truly shows that health and fitness comes in SO many different shapes and sizes.

Can you only be one size to be athletic? HELL NODo people think this?HELL YES. (though they probably won't admit it and will hide it)

It is wrong. I know plenty of people that are bigger or smaller than me and that are incredible. I know petite girls that can lift a ridiculous account of weight/crush any arm wresting challenge with most men/women but are often thought to be weak. I know larger girls that are thought to be slow or lazy, but can run 10 times faster then me and can get into yoga poses that I can only dream of (I’ve got shavasana on lockdown in case you were wondering).

There is no one right way to look or be fit. Some people want bigger musles and some people want to be slimmer. At the moment I am into arms. I want to walk around looking like a bad ass B with strong muscular ams. That’s a specific goal I am into at the moment. I’m also working on a bit of internval training with my JOGGING so I can go faster at certain parts (see: very end of a race when you see finish line and want your chocolate milk/free bananna) Does this make me better? No! Do you have to do it? NO! Might I change my mind tomorrow and make up new goals? Quite possibly!

We should support/respect and cheer people on no matter how they look or what they want to do. I personally think walking is amazing exercise and always get mad at clients that say they “JUST WALK.” You guys!! Walking for long periods (or short) is so good for you. You are moving your body. It’s amazing. Get that walk on, you powerhouse.

Cheers to me, cheers to you and cheers to all the other fat joggers out there. Let’s be fat and jog together. Let’s be thin and jog together. Let’s be whatever fucking size we want to be and jog/skip/do yoga/playtennis/dowhatever the hell we want to do that makes us feel good TOGETHER. And how about we stop judging people that do not fit a narrow-minded view of what health and fitness looks like!? 

It’s okay to not be okay

A few days ago I shared a post on Facebook about world mental health day and as I shared I realized I had more to say about it. I’m not going to share stats because I’ve never met someone experiencing something in this realm that reads a stat and thinks, “Gee, that’s really helpful” This is a simple post hoping that it helps *one* person out there reading it feel a bit more normal and a bit less alone. SO… HI. HELLO! This is me checking in with you to remind you that it’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to be sad, anxious, depressed, mad, happy, cheerful, enthusiastic. It’s okay to be any emotion. (I threw in the happy ones because I think sometimes we feel bad about being happy as well - especially when others around us are down).

It’s okay to have feelings and feel stuck. And it is also okay if it takes you more than 48 hrs to get out of it.

The thing that is not okay is feeling alone is those feelings and thinking you are the only one that feels them. You are not. 

If you are brave enough to reach out to someone for help and they don’t get it or don’t understand and don’t know how to help… don’t stop. Try again. A lot of people don’t know how to respond to someone telling them they are depressed or anxious and end up saying really stupid things that they don’t mean to be stupid but can leave you feeling even more frustrated and alone than if you didn’t say anything to begin with. (See: “ just go for a run” “just get out of bed” “just….” ) And I know that you are thinking “ugh, you don’t get it” when someone says that. WELL I GET IT.

You are not alone. Or stuck. And it’s never just you that feels that way, even though it can feel like that.

And it’s also okay. It’s okay to feel the way you do. It’s okay to feel crappy sometimes. It’s okay if the biggest accomplishment of your day is taking a shower (I have been there). - Take the shower though - it really does help. It's okay if you have 38765678 thoughts in your head at once and worry about something, but then also get annoyed at yourself for worrying about it and then get anxious that you are worrying about worrying.

YES, I want you to be happy. No, I am not happy myself 24/7 because that would be crazy and I'm not a fictional Disney character (nor are you). Yes, I want you to feel motivated, but sometimes that is hard. This is why I believe little things make a big difference. No, I don’t want you to feel alone. This is ME. saying you are not alone.

Also, just because you don’t identify yourself as depressed or anxious or going through something and you think “I don’t need to talk to anyone I’m okay, I just feel a bit BLAH.” Well you know what? That’s okay too. A lot of times we don’t want to put on label on ourselves so we go through big chunks of time where we feel like sh*t and we might even feel guilty about it. It’s OK TO FEEL LIKE SHIT SOMETIMES. REALLY. WE ALL DO.

Maybe you think of your life and think It’s pretty awesome and you think “UGH, why am I still struggling with this? Maybe someone else says to you  that your life is great/they are so jealous of something you have going on. The truth is that you still feel bad. WELL THAT IS OKAY. You don’t have to prove your feelings or wish them away or rationalize them. Its okay to have them. And yes, it IS still shitty.  There are millions of others out there (myself included) that do understand how you feel. You are normal and yes it sucks sometimes to be a normal human, but you are not alone so don’t be scared to open a dialogue about it.

Email me—> kim@fuelthehappy.com if you simply need someone to write an email to to share your feelings or if you want to be direction on where to get more help. Maybe you know me, maybe you don’t, but I am ONE person right HERE that sees you, hears you and completely understands how sometimes you don’t want to get out of bed or have conversations with people. That’s okay. You don’t have to pretend.

Some helpful tips for you if feeling down:

• give yourself alone time when you need it
• figure out what self-care looks like for you. Maybe it’s eating cookies on a Thursday evening, maybe it’s a massage, maybe it’s a hot long shower, Maybe it’s time with friends.
• if someone asks how you are, don’t feel obligated to say “Good, you?” If you tell the truth, chances are the person you are talking to has been there and gets it. They might not though so make sure you spend time with good people.
• don’t say yes to things you do not want to say yes. Seriously. I say no all the time. Sure, I look/sound/act like I’m going on 97 years old and my actual grandma is cooler than I am, (FACT) but I also like to go to sleep by 11pm and don’t like alcohol all that much so there you go. I know what works for me. What works for you? Figure it out and do it and do not apologize for being you.
• buy some nice candles to make your home smell and feel warm and cozy.
• don’t be scared of carbs (they taste great, eat the damn carbs)
• Read experiences of other people that have been where you are and felt how you felt to remind you that you are not stuck or alone and maybe just maybe you won't feel that way forever.
• When you feel stuck thing of the one smallest thing you CAN do and do it and then feel good about doing that thing. If it’s walking for 10 min/sending an email, making a sandwich, going home after work instead of joining people at happy hour - doesn’t matter, what it is. Just do the one thing. Even if you think it won't make a difference - DO IT. And don't put pressure on yourself to do it perfectly. You don't need to go for a 3 mile run. Walking for 10 min really will help. Simple things. Easy things. Don't try to be everything for everyone. Be what you need to be and do what you need to do for yourself.

Friends/family/If someone reaches out to you or you sense something is up, here are some helpful things to say/do:

• Ask, “How can I help?” They might say “nothing or I don’t know or you don’t get it” Then you should say “Well I am always here for you, no matter what you do need or don’t need”
• Offer help like this: “do you want to share and talk?" but ALSO offer stupid chat. By stupid chat I mean sometimes when you can’t stop thinking or feel bad, the last thing you want to do is talk about how you are feeling so offer stupid conversation about reality TV or something silly a celebrity did, or tell them a funny story about your day. It’s refreshing to have normal conversations.
• Just hang out and don’t chat. Watch TV and bake cookies. Stop by to say hello and have a quick catch up. Be there and be there consistently. Either physically or by text.
• Don’t stop inviting them to things, but invite them without pressure in a casual way like “hey, I was thinking of going to so and so area, I’ll be walking around there for a few hrs if you want to join just text me” That way they can opt in if they want but don’t have to say yes to then change their invite to no at the last minute and feel anxious about it.
• Listen. Make eye contact, reassure, never judge or make assumptions.

As always I would love for your to share this, but especially if you think someone out there just needs a reminder that they are not alone. Sometimes reading something ONE person says can make a world of a difference. XO ————

Additional Resources to check out:

https://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/ask-and-learn/resources http://www.nami.org/Find-Support http://www.mind.org.uk/ https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/index.html

*Do you have any greats links/suggestions/organizations I should list? Please comment below or email me.

“You look Great” “No! I ate too much”

This is a conversation I overheard a few weeks ago… Woman A: You look Great! Woman B: Oh no! I ate so much yesterday.

WHAT THE HELL WOMEN OF THE WORLD. I say the world because we both know that this is not the first or last time I will over hear this exchange.

First, as I mentioned last month: if someone gives you a compliment, it is okay to take it even if it makes you uncomfortable. You can check that out —> here!

Secondly, WHAT does your eating have to do with whether or not you look great. It doesn't. Absolutely not. To paint this picture it was also at a workout session so it’s not like these ladies were sitting around eating snickers bars (though that’s cool if you want to. I'm a fan of Aero chocolate bars personally). These were women just like you and I. Regular, normal women that I don’t know, but I’m sure have ups and downs like the rest of us.

Why do we do this?Why do we let food decide if we look great or bad or if we are great/good or bad. It doesn’t have to.

YES of course I understand that if you eat a box of cookies for dinner than you are not going to feel as good as if you have a salad with steamed fish. I get it. I know. I really do. Certain foods make you feel good and certain foods do not. I love cheese and sometimes I eat a lot of it and then feel bad. Does eating said cheese make me all off a sudden not look great? NOPE, still look the same. I might just make me a bit constipated (you are on this website for some truth telling right?!) Sure, if I eat pounds of cheese and cookies everyday for weeks and don’t have any other nutrition I would probably NOT look great. I’m sure I would break out and just generally look and feel like crap.

But when most women have the above exchange, they are not talking about multiple weeks. They are talking about ONE or two days (maybe a weekend). — “Omg I was SO BAD” this weekend!” How many times have you said this or heard someone else say it. Don’t lie to me! I know you have!

This exchange is about giving all the power over to food. It’s letting what you eat be the sole decider on how you feel and and what you think about yourself. And letting “eating so much yesterday” make you feel less than or someone not good enough. You looking great does not suddenly change because you ate too much bread at dinner.

That’s BS.

What does not being/looking great or being/looking bad have do to with whether you ate a lot of food the day before? Does it make you feel better to feel bad about looking back at the day before and deciding you are not good because you didn’t eat like a perfect magical unicorn? If it does make you feel better than by all means carry on, BUT if you are like most women - it doesn’t. Feeling bad about yourself because you “ate too much” or deciding you are “so fat” or “don’t look great” because of one or 2 meals or a weekend away needs to stop. It IS labeling yourself and these times as bad that turns it into a continuous sprial. If you stop doing it and just accept that you ate a bit more bread or a few more cookies or glasses of champagne than you normally do and then call it a day and that’s it. It’s just a day. It does not mean you are NOT GREAT. It does not mean you do not look great. It doesn't mean you are good or bad or anything other than YOU JUST ATE A BIT MORE BREAD. I promise.

How to take a compliment, even when it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I love giving out compliments. I see someone with killer lipstick in the grocery store? I tell them I love it. I don’t walk around saying I like things when I don’t and hate when other people do. Ever have someone give you a fake compliment? I have. It’s awkward and weird and leaves you thinking “Who is this a**” You can tell the difference. I’m not talking about when it’s fake, I’m talking about when it is real and it is genuine. I notice often enough that if it’s me giving one or I just overhear a compliment, sometimes people (especially us women folk) have a hard time taking it. We feel uncomfortable, weird, or just don’t know how to respond.

What I hear/see when compliment giving:

• “Oh really… do you think so??”
• laugh/giggle then “no…”
• downplay whatever someone is complimenting you on by pointing something else out

Example: Stranger/Friend: You have such beautiful hair. Response: oh! thank you…yea, I wish I could do more with it though. Example: Stranger/Friend: I really love your top Response: Thanks - I got it on sale for 15 dollars. I wish I could be more stylish. Example: Stranger/Friend: You have such great legs, so fit Response: Thanks, but ugh I wish my arms were more toned

Instead of that, TRY THIS:

• “Thank you”
• “Thank you so much!”
• “That’s nice of you to say, thanks”
• Or just “Thanks!”

When someone says you are really good at something, they are impressed with how you (fill in the blank with impressive things you do, they love your (fill in blank with all the lovable things about you) JUST SAY THANK YOU!

You don’t have to create a whole story. You don’t have to downplay.

If you have a great top, rock it. If you are beautiful, rock it. If your lipstick looks amazing today, own it, If you are great at math - GO YOU and come out to dinner with me because it's always good to have someone to split the group tab. If someone gives you a compliment, take it!!!

No, buts No explanations No second guessing No trying to make yourself small because you don’t think you deserve it or don’t want to outshine someone.

Sure, It can be a bit uncomfortable sometimes if someone says something to you that’s nice and you aren’t used to hearing or you feel like you shouldn’t.

Let yourself shine. (I know that sounds cheesy, but I’m serious) Own it. Say thank you.

The sooner you can take a compliment the sooner you will really believe what another person is saying about you and that compliment they gave you. YES, you are pretty. YES, you are smart and good at things, YES you are talented. Thank you and The End.

Why Your Diet Does Not Work

You know it and you have heard it before, the whole “diets don’t work” thing. I’m not going to say that because I don’t agree. They do work. You eat less food, you lose weight - sure. Great. The problem is that whatever you do is probably not sustainable. I don’t care if it’s paleo, I don’t care if you are doing atkins, counting points, eating sugar free, low carb - all of it.

What usually happens is that you try something new (or maybe that has worked short term in the past) and you are SO excited to do something that will make you feel good. After a short time, IT DOES WORK. You feel great. You feel energized and light and people are complimenting you. It’s brilliant. You were a babe before, but now look at you - right?

Ok, fast forward 2/3/6 months/1 year. Something happens. SEE: LIFE. Life is stressful. It’s not always great or perfect or easy or even comfortable. Stressful things happen with ourselves, in our family, with your friends our jobs, kids. Things happen.

When life is not perfect and *something* happens then you fall back to old patterns. You no longer have time to go to whole foods to get all your organic food and pre made salads (shout out to whole foods amazing salad bar though - amiright?! I hope heaven involves a giant delicious salad bar), you don’t have time for breakfast, you meet friends for drinks in the evening and you say you are only going to have 1 drink, but you have 3 or 4 after not eating dinner and then go home and end up eating way to much in your refrigerator and then feel bad and say “ughhhh I messed up.”

I get it. It sucks. Then the next day you feel like you have to make up for the day before. It’s a pretty shitty cycle and a bit of a mind f*ck.

What does work long term and before you hate me for saying this just go with me on it… what works is making a lifestyle change. And YES part of that could mean eating less carbs and sugar (maybe). Maybe it means more. Maybe you start eating dark chocolate every morning with your breakfast. It also includes exercising in a way that works for you (not that you hate or feels like a chore), doing things that FEEL good, eating what YOU want, paying attention to what your body is actually craving not what you think you should be eating. Most importantly - making a change means not being so damn hard on yourself and calling yourself bad/wrong/ thinking you messed up just because you had a bit more to drink or eat one evening/one week/one month.

Every day is a new day. You are not stuck.

I know it sounds easier said than done. It takes time. It takes time to get to a place where you are in a place that you can look in the mirror and say “I look good” It takes time to STOP saying “ugh I messed up” if you've been “good” all day and then eat a brownie at 11pm and feel bad about it. I get it. If this is something you want to work on, let’s chat. Jump over here to set up a free 30 min chat with me. We can talk about salad bars and cookies and eating our feelings all we want, but I can also help you stop obsessing about all of this and stop making excuses so you can be happy.

Why you do not need to tell everyone how busy you are. Busy is not better.

You know when you ask someone how they are and they say "OMG SO BUSY" and then list all the million and one things they are doing/have seen/ate/experienced/planned? No one cares. It's annoying. We are all busy.

I’m so glad you are feeling excited/happy/wonderful I’m also sad you are feeling lonely/depressed/anxious. I feel all the feels with you.

But I don’t need a play by play of ALL the parts of your day.

Back when I started coaching I used to over explain what I did.

Why did I do this? Because at the start you want people to get it and you have moments of insecurity (Maybe you are never insecure, but I sometimes was and I’m human so I still have times where I am in life!) and thought that the more I explain, the more this person will get it. Now I don’t do this because no one cares about the 10 interesting things I’m doing. Well some do, but usually not really. I used to feel like I had to prove what I was doing. Now I just do my own thing. As long as long as I feel good about it, then I’m doing it right.

What I have noticed - and again this might not be true for you, but it’s what I have seen in other people/myself is that when someone does this - when they need to tell you all the bits of their productivity/busyness it is coming from a place of insecurity. It comes from a place of feeling like you have to come off a certain way because you don’t want the other person to think you are boring/lazy/stupid/uninteresting (insert other shitty adjectives). Telling/sharing every bit of your day/busyness/productivity becomes a way to make sure the other person doesn’t think they are any of those adjectives.

Does anyone want their friend, colleague, mom, sister, post office delivery man to think they are less than amazing everyday? No, of course not! But in reality you are the only one that really matters. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Your busyness does not equate to being better/best/good.

So when someone asks you “what did you do this weekend?” It doesn’t have to be: “I woke up and then got my nails done and went for a run before hitting the gym and saw my friend Susan and went shopping (got 2 things on sale!) and then made my own pizza for my girls night pizza party then watched 4 episodes of house of cards. Sunday was crazy I had brunch with some friends then volunteered at the animal shelter for 4 hours then made some delicious gluten free pasta for dinner. I'm SO tired, but it was so great.”

I LOVE THAT YOU DID ALL THOSE THINGS, but you do NOT have anything to prove. It’s great if you are busy. It’s great if you are not busy. One is not better than the other. Just do your thing girl. Keep being you. If that looks like making gluten free pasta and volunteering for 4 hours and hanging out with Susan - AWESOME. If that means painting your nails and eating snacks in between streaming shows on Netflix (I know nothing about that scenario…) - AWESOME!

Either way - don’t feel the need to give proof of your busyness/productivity/general greatness because you don’t want someone else to think you negatively about you. They might and it’s okay. You listing a to do list won't change their opinion. No one thinks happy positive thoughts about everyone all the time. If you feel good about your day and your life then that's what is really important - not the gluten free pasta you made from scratch.

Why you should eat brownies for breakfast and how to stop eating everything in your fridge

Do you ever have those evenings where you want to eat everything in your fridge - a bunch of chocolate or cheese or bread or really just anything that that looks kind of good? Have you ever stopped yourself and said “ok, if I still really want this tomorrow - I’ll have it in the morning.” Doing this might mean that YES you end up having have a brownie (or two or three - no judgement!)  for breakfast because it stops you from going down a binge path the night before and feeling bad about yourself for the next 3 days/week. If this is the case then YES. EAT THAT DAMN BROWNIE FOR BREAKFAST. Or maybe you just want one and it has nothing to do with the night before.

Maybe you already had your greek yogurt with berries and chia seeds and you have a craving for a brownie. Eat it! Maybe you just have half of it - maybe you have all of it. Maybe you decide well you know what I don’t actually want it right now - I just want sugar so I’ll have this apple instead because I would rather have this (I know this scenario doesn't often happen - but it could! I've had it happen - weird I know)

If you eat it, enjoy it, savor it. Don’t call yourself bad or say you have no will power. You do. You just wanted a brownie. That's it. You are allowed to eat things you like. 

Instead of saying you are bad/messed up your diet/insert mean comments you tell yourself for eating yummy things, try saying "DAMN that was a delicious brownie. I’m glad I enjoyed it!" and carry on with your day. It’s when you start labeling foods as bad or wrong and your behaviors of eating something as weakness that the problem starts. You feel shame and guilt so you have another and another and then decide the day is over anyways so you might as well have more. You are not a bad person for eating a brownie.

It’s okay to eat a brownie for breakfast.

And if you don’t like this advice and it doesn’t sit well with you then guess what? DON’T EAT a brownie for breakfast. Go out and find what works for you. Not your best friend, not your mom, Not what women's health says to eat- EAT what you want to eat.

What is something you think of as "bad" that you have had for breakfast? Mine is probably cake which I feel great about it because hello? It's cake. Or cold pizza (by cold I mean you order it the night before when you are still *tipsy* and it sits out so it’s room temperature and delicious in the morning.

Are you reading this and thinking - UGH yea but I can never stop. You make it sounds so easy Kim! It's not. Then let’s chat. Jump over here to schedule a free chat with me and we can talk about brownies and eating our feelings and whatever else is going on for you right now because you deserve to both be happy and eat your brownies- OKAY!? And yes it is possible and no it does not require a juice cleanse.

At what point do we stop thinking we are capable of absolutely anything?

At what point do we stop thinking we are capable of absolutely anything?

At what point do we stop trying new things because we don’t want to fail?

Because we are worried what someone else will say about it?

Because we don’t want to be judged?

Because we don’t think we can do it.

Or maybe we are afraid to even try.

When we are younger and someone asks “what do you want to be when you grow up” You don’t say "well I want to be president, but…” “well I want to be a doctor, but I can’t” “well I want to be an artist but...”

You don’t give the "buts". You just say what you want to be. A police officer, an artist, a pilot, a zookeeper - there are just ideas and options and anything is possible.

Why does that stop? YES life happens. We get older. We have bills. We have responsibilities. OF COURSE. But what about that spirit of trying new things, dreaming, going after something without hesitation, fear of messing up or failure. THAT doesn’t have to go anywhere. So why let it?

You can still be that person you left behind long ago.

Don’t stop having dreams because you are afraid you might be disappointed or you might fail.

Yea, sure you might be disappointed and YES you are probably going to fail and mess up. Or maybe you start and it turns out completely differently. BUT WHO CARES? You do it, you try it, you mess up, you learn and then guess what? You try the next thing. 

Anyone in your life that needs to hear this message? Share away!  And PLEASE remind yourself on the days that you are scared or worried about getting something wrong, messing up, failing, not being perfect or doing it the "right way." It's okay - we all mess up and we learn and succeed and sometimes we fail again. That person you want to be - she is on the other side of taking a risk and trying something new. Why don't you go hang out with her? I hear she's pretty cool.

Excuses I Make To Get Out of Exercising (and how to deal with them)

Do you find yourself always coming up with reasons of why you can't exercise even though knowing in the back of your head you do have time? Yea, I do it too. Let's get into it and figure out how to challenge those excuses shall we...

Excuse: "I’ll do it tomorrow."

Solution: No, no Kim you probably wont. If I say this I know it’s a 50/50 that I will do something. More often then not if I say tomorrow it will turn into 3 days from now. I will put my workout clothes on earlier than I am going to workout. Let’s say I don’t want to work out in the morning. I say later. If I just say later and don’t put them on, I won’t do it so I might put them on at 10AM but not actually work out until 6pm (yes -really) This only works if I am working from home.

Other things I have done that work: carrying workout clothes and shoes WITH me so that I have to change into them. The key is making sure you have what you need when you need it so you have less of a reason to come up with a reason of why you can’t. Maybe you don’t end up going for run, but because you packed your sneakers in your bag you can walk for 20 minutes on your lunch break and that’s brilliant.

Excuse: "I don’t have enough time."

Solution: Yes you do. Maybe you don’t have time to go for an hour run or go to a 45 spin class or do a 30 minute at home youtube video, but YOU DO HAVE TIME do to something for 10 minutes. What this looks like for me? I like Jillian Michaels work out DVDs which are 25-30 min. If I can only do 10 minute I will literally only do 10 min Or I’ll outside and run (ok….walk aggressively) up and down the stairs for 5 - 10 min. I’m serious. Maybe someone else would say “that’s not good enough, you won’t get in shape that way” but you know what? For me it is. It works. I think for you it will too. That way I am still getting *something* in, no matter how small and then I don’t go 3 days without any exercise.

Excuse: "I’m not fit enough"

Solution: I know this one. I’ve used it for AGES. You think, “I can’t go to that class. Everyone is thin and fit and I”m not yet” You will never be fit if you don’t go. You have to tell yourself that you are the badass that you are and it doesn’t matter if you first last, you just got to do it. I know this one is hard, but you have to start somewhere. Sure, maybe you want to just start up with going for walks in the neighborhood because you don’t feel ready to go to that class, but know that you might never feel ready. I go to a bootcamp where I am sure 80% (ok 90!) of the other women are in much better shape. Seriously they are AMAZING. I love being around it because I know that I will get there as well. Getting there is not going to start with me not going because “I’m not fit enough” I deal with this one by just doing it. When I”m there I don’t watch what other people do. I focus on my own progress. AKA me thinking "Can I get though this class without stopping?" For me, that’s good enough. I know you can do it too. *NOTE: Know yourself. Don't sign up for a super intense class just because you are feeling extra motivated and then go and feel bad because you are not on the same level and the instructor makes you feel bad about it. Trust yourself, know what you need and know a level that is good to challenge yourself without passing out/feeling like you are going to die. <3 

Excuse: "I don’t have money. It’s too expensive."

Solution: You don’t have to join a gym or a class. There are plenty of videos on Youtube. I mentioned above, but I paid 10 dollars for my Jillian Michaels workout so when I don’t have internet I can still do it. There are load of other YouTubers doing workouts. You can also walk outside. It is cold where you are? Go to a local mall or shopping center and walk there. Stairs? Find some. Walk up and down them. Go to Target and buy weights then go on Pinterest and find some simple workouts. Let me know if you need more quick and easy ideas. If you do like to workout with others instead of a gym, often local community centers will offer classes at a very cheap price. Check that out or go on meetup.com to see other options.

Excuse: "I don’t like to run, zumba, spin, do situps. I hate it all."

Solution: What do you like? DON’T do something you hate. I don’t like yoga. I want to be someone that likes yoga and is really into it- but that’s just not me. Maybe 6 months from now that will be me, but it’s not currently. If I do it and I don’t like the class then I won’t exercise because I just spent time doing something I didn’t want to do and I'll use that as an excuse. FIND WHAT YOU LIKE. Is it walking? GREAT! Make yourself a killer power walking playlist and set aside time during the week to make walking your go to fitness. What about roller derby? pilates? boxing? pole dance? There are so many things. Don’t knock something until you try and and if you try and it and you don’t like it - that is okay. Keep trying until you uncover something you do enjoy. I’m sure that there is SOMETHING out there. Maybe it’s table tennis, maybe it’s belly dancing. Try new workouts a few times then if you don’t like it - find something else. Here is a fun list of alternative workouts.

Do any of these excuses sound familiar? What else do you come up with? These excuses can apply to so many things in life so definitely think about what else you are making excuses for and how you can challenge those ideas.

How may times have you said: “I’ll do it tomorrow” “I’ll start monday” “I’ll start the first day of the month” “ugh I don’t have any time” “I’m so tired I just can’t” or “I won't be able to keep up” “I can’t do that” “I will look stupid”

How far has that taken you? As you read this - can you plan something you will do today? Run? go to a class? Go for a 10 minute walk? This is not me saying If you don’t exercise now,  go out and plan to work out 5x this week because I think that’s a bad idea. Going from 0 - 60 means you could be setting yourself up for failure or you succeed but then the next week you don’t do anything. It’s about consistency and figuring out what will work for you in your life the way it looks now whether that is 10 minutes working out 2x a week or daily workouts for an hour. There is no right or wrong. There is just doing it and stopping the excuses you make to tell other people and yourself of why you can’t. I know you can do it. It's not about being thin. It's not about losing weight. It's not about doing something because you think you should. It's about feeling good, feeling strong, and clearing your head. Find your own motivations and reasons and stick to what is going to work for you.

Need more support on this? Send me an email Kim@fuelthehappy.com and let me know or jump over to my FB page and let’s chat there.  I would love to hear from you. Tell me what you are going to commit to or try this week. I also post my some of my ridiculous workout selfies here and would love to see your snaps!

There is not such thing as too little in my book. If someone tells you otherwise well, they suck and let’s not invite them to our lunch table okay?

10 things to say sayonara to in 2016

The 10 things you need to say sayonara to in 2016...drum roll please...

1. People you don’t like but hang out with anyway

2. Saying yes when you want to say no

3. Comparing yourself to others (your career, your job, your relationships, ALL THE THINGS)

4. Drinking when you don’t actually want a drink but all your friends are. Eating when you don’t want to eat, but all your friends are. Or eating salad when you want a burger. Eat the damn burger. Eat the salad/pizza/kale/chicken wings. What you want not what someone else says you should/everyone else is getting/you think you are going to get fat from this one meal.

5. Saying “tomorrow” when you could do it today.

6. Your long lists of excuses

7. Perfectionism. It’s okay to be good not great at something.

8. Checking your phone first thing in the morning. At least pee or drink some water first, okay?

9. Not taking care of yourself when we both know how much you take care of other people. You need some love too.

10. The voice in your head that says you aren’t good enough or smart enough or thin enough or pretty enough. F*ck off voice. Say it out loud and with me NOW - F*CK OFF VOICE.

Bonus = 11. You decide. What do you need to leave in 2015? What do you need to let go of and say goodbye to? Is it a person, a habit, a way of thinking, a dress you never wear? GOODBYE negative things that make you feel bad, hold you back and take up your energy. HELLO good things. See you in 2016!

Eating dumplings for breakfast, challenging yourself and other lessons learned from a week empowering teenage girls in China

Earlier this month, I spent time in Kunming China teaming up Fuel The Happy with Bright & Beautiful, a program bringing girls from rural China together to build self-esteem and discover hidden potential through various art forms. These are girls that have to work harder to access resources that many others throughout China and the world can easily find. These are girls growing up in families that have lost parents. These are girls growing up with very limited financial resources and opportunities. These are girls growing up in families being told they aren’t good enough because they are a girl and not a boy. Before going I knew that I would be one of the only native english speakers, though a few of the rest of the team did speak English. I was nervous, excited and didn’t know what to expect. Yes, this is the work I do, but I have never been in a situation where I could not speak the same language as the girls I would be working with. Why the hell would I go if I didn’t speak the language? I wanted to go because I like to - ok wait like is not the right word- I know it is important (better word) to challenge myself. I believe it is important to seek out and go after things that make you a bit nervous - that challenge you, that make you question yourself and take you out of your comfort zone. That is why. These are the times for growth.

We danced, we did improv, we wrote about and shared our dreams, we talked about health, we played games, we exercised, we drew, we made dolls, we laughed a lot and cried a lot. I led the girls in mini workout routines, taught them how to make salads and make healthy choices, and led writing exercises and sharing circles to encourage them to talk about their dreams, fears and struggles. As the days went on, the girls started to open up and show their strength. They started to embrace having fun, trying new things, and sharing. Seeing them open up inspired me to do the same.

It was hard. I felt isolated part of the time. I felt energized, I felt that I inspired, motivated and empowered. I also felt overwhelmed, confused and frustrated. I even cried at one point - In a group therapy session - in Mandarin… while someone translated what I said… Why did I cry? I shared that I often am the strong one. I worry about being vulnerable myself and having clients and friends not thinking I can help them because I have my own doubts and fears. While I shared this, I realized, NO! THIS is exactly why I am a great coach and leader. When I shared, the rest of the group opened up and told me how much impact I am having on the girls, how much they are learning from me and how motivating I am for them. We also had a psychologist on the team who said that he saw something special within me before I even started sharing. This feedback meant a lot to me. If I had not been vulnerable, I would never have known any of this. The reason I am sharing part of this story is because I want you to know that no matter who you are - IT IS OKAY to share your vulnerabilities. It is okay to be the strong one, but then still need hugs and love and someone to listen to you as well.

I left with a whole bunch of new friends from all over China, a huge ego about my great chopsticks skills (after everyone being impressed that I can in fact use them - too funny) and having tasted pig intestine. Wins all around.

Everyone there was hoping to help and inspire and guide. but the truth is, THEY really inspired us.

One of the girls gave me a necklace. She said it was a necklace she has had her whole life that she brings everywhere. It is special to her and it has brought her luck in life. She wanted me to have it to remember my first trip to China and to give me luck in my own life. (insert warm fuzzy feelings and happy tears) Another girl gave me a doll she made because she wanted to know how much it meant for me to be there and she wanted to give me a piece of her heart so I would never forget her. These girls do not have much and their gifts - something they made, have, or a special note they wrote me thanks to google translate meant SO much. No matter what they have been through, experienced or the worries they have - they still have these incredibly huge hearts that want to love and share love. It was moving and beautiful. I hope they never lose that warmth and love.

When you teach other people, you often relearn the lessons yourself. What I learned from these girls and that I hope you can too is that it does not matter what you have or don’t have. It does not matter where you are from. We all have a special gift. We should share it. We should be kind to people. We should be open. We shouldn’t be afraid to have fun. We need to be brave.

We can accept our past and move on from it - it doesn’t have to define who we are.

I can't decide what to do. Why you can't make a decision and what to do about it.

Indecision is not a decision. Sometimes it is hard to decide. Sometimes we choose to not make a decision just because it's easier to deal with later - or so we tell ourselves. What is stopping you from making a decision?

What is it? What can’t you decide? Is it what to eat for dinner? A dress to get for a wedding? Or is it something bigger, like a job promotion? Or just generally what to do with your career?

I think you do know what you want. I think the indecisiveness is not that you don’t know. It’s that you do know, but that you are afraid of making the wrong choice, afraid of something going wrong, afraid of something not being perfect or doing something the wrong way.

• How much time have you wasted not making a decision?
• Where is it getting you?
• Why are you procrastinating?
• What is life going to be like if you keep doing this?
• Do you really want to stay stuck in the not making decision holding pattern? It sounds frustrating.

If everything does go wrong is it going to be okay? Yes it will be. Even if it’s not right away, eventually you will be. Move to a new country and you hate it? That’s okay, you don’t have to stay there forever. Buy a pair of shoes you don’t like? Return them! Seriously. I know I am comparing moving and shoes but the same thoughts are at play. You don’t buy the shoes because you aren’t sure. You know you need them and want them, but you aren’t sure if they are right. Are they going to go with everything? Maybe you should just wear the ones you already have at home. Should you spend money on this? What if you really need that money for something else? What if you buy them and you hate them or they don't go with anything or they are uncomfortable? SHIT. Then what?

Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s all the same. All these decisions are going back and forth about all the possibilities of everything. SO many things can happen. That’s life. Procrastinating from making a decision is another way to sit on the sidelines of your life and not be an active participant. Try it. Make decisions. When someone asks you where you want to go for dinner - don’t say “I don’t know, what were you thinking” Tell them what you want. You probably know. Listen to yourself. I don’t care if it’s shoes or dinner or breaking up with your boyfriend, quitting a job, signing up for a pilates class or calling your mom back - just do it. It’s that simple. Things might go wrong, but they might also go the way you want.

Give this a try: Tell someone about it or write your ideas out or talk to yourself in the mirror (yes really) Pretend you have made that decision. How do you feel having made it? When describing it, how does it feel? What does your life look like if you envision yourself having gone down that route?

Don’t let the fear of getting something wrong stop you from moving forward.

Tired of waiting to make decisions? Send me a message and let’s chat. I will give you a free 30 minute breakthrough session to bust though your decision making mental blocks. Isn't it time you stopped talking about how you are the worst at making decisions and instead talk about all the great things you have done?

Comparing yourself to others and why that just sucks

Something that often comes up for ME all the time in my personal life, my friends lives and my brave, awesome clients is comparing yourself to others. Why do we do it? We know it’s bad - but we can’t help it.

For me what this looks like currently is looking at other coaches and thinking OMG I should be doing that. OMG I need to add that/do that. I need to have that program. I need to post blogs every week. I need to follow this perfect formula that is sure to work and that means I’ll be successful and everyone will love me. Bullshit. I know it, you know it, but still we do it. Maybe it’s that you are comparing yourself to how great someone looks in the same pair of jeans you have, or where they are in their career, or how great their hair always looks, or their relationship with their boyfriend. CUT IT OUT LADIES! We are all in this together. No matter where you are - you are not better than anyone else nor is anyone else better than you. We are just different.

The funny this is that 1/2 the time, the things I think I *need* are things someone else does that actually I have no interest in implementing, I know my audience wouldn’t care about and really I know I wouldn’t enjoy doing. That’s how it usually is. We see something in someone else and it’s cool/different/pretty/sparkly and we want it. But do we need it? Is that really where we want to be or where we need to be.

This is when I have to remind myself to stay in my own lane and that my journey is my own. People are always at different places and where I am now and what I am doing is good for me. I don’t need to have it all figured out - nor do I want to because really what is the fun in that.

Tips to follow to stop comparing yourself to others:

• Remind yourself what is great about YOU and what you are doing. Seriously say it out loud and jot it down on a piece of paper. Three things. Do it now.
• Ask yourself if what they have / are doing is really something you want or just something you think you should want?
• Are you happy and just trying to find a way to make yourself not be happy because you don’t think you deserve it?

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t plan for and go for all those cool/crazy/awesome things that other people are doing or how they look or how many days a week they go to the gym. I’m saying that it is good to set goals and make plans - but make sure they are plans for the life you want to live - not a life you think you should be living or one that looks great for someone else.

Stick to your path and rock the shit out of the life you have.

Full disclosure: I'm still working on it as well. Some days I'm on top of it - other days I need to stick a good motivational quote on the wall and constantly repeat to myself to focus on my own race. Really, that's the only one that matters anyway.

Agree with what I'm saying? I would love for you to share this post with anyone that can relate. You can sign up for my updates here if you want to hear more about quitting the comparison game.