“There is a reason you see so many fat joggers” and other stupid comments

A few months ago I was at running based workout that I signed up for to challenge me to improve my running. I was super excited for it because I like to challenge myself do things I don’t normally do (both physically and otherwise). Running has completely changed my life and my views on my body and relationship with health (a blog for another time) so of course I was excited to try something different. Before we got started, the leader who happened to be a former male olympic athlete was sharing his experience with running/sprinting and then went on to say “There is a reason you see so many fat joggers” No, this is not taken out of context. That is what he said. He was explaining the benefit of sprinting on the body (fair enough) and the session was informative and challenging, BUT the issue I have with it is that it’s insensitive and stupid and not in any way helpful to the group of women that were there (some regular runners, some beginner runners, and some people that had never run, but were nervous about it and dealing with their own views about their bodies and fitness so this isn’t exactly a helpful or necessary thing to say). If someone asked a specific question about body weight and sprinting vs. jogging then sure go ahead share away, but that’s not what happened.

It implies that if you are “fat” you are somehow flawed. That fitness can only look one way.(Interesting because I have seen "fit" look a hell of a lot of different ways and come in so many shapes and sizes) It also implies there is something wrong in some way with jogging. You are only doing it right if YOU ARE SLIM, a weight that falls into this male’s preferred body weight and run at a certain speed. AWESOME!!! Guess that crosses off most people from the list that enjoy physical activity just to enjoy it because it makes them feel good about themselves. Fitness for the sake of feeling good/strong is overrated. Fitness so you can fit into society’s ideal of what it should be is the goal isn’t it!? (I missed that memo, my bad)

There are tons of athletes/people that would identify as being fat and prove that it does not equate with athletitic ability or worth. Here is a quick example: Say hello to Michelle Carter who took up a gold medal for team USA at the Olympics in shot put and another hello to Sarah Robles, a powerhouse weight lifter who recently said:“I have a bronze medal and I was able to be myself, embrace my body, do the things I’m naturally fitted to do to help make my dreams come true.... To challenge ‘normal’ ideals is an important thing....It’s cool to be me. I’m big and strong and putting it all for good use.”

These are my people. These women are my inspiration. Big, small, any size. I love the olympics because it truly shows that health and fitness comes in SO many different shapes and sizes.

Can you only be one size to be athletic? HELL NODo people think this?HELL YES. (though they probably won't admit it and will hide it)

It is wrong. I know plenty of people that are bigger or smaller than me and that are incredible. I know petite girls that can lift a ridiculous account of weight/crush any arm wresting challenge with most men/women but are often thought to be weak. I know larger girls that are thought to be slow or lazy, but can run 10 times faster then me and can get into yoga poses that I can only dream of (I’ve got shavasana on lockdown in case you were wondering).

There is no one right way to look or be fit. Some people want bigger musles and some people want to be slimmer. At the moment I am into arms. I want to walk around looking like a bad ass B with strong muscular ams. That’s a specific goal I am into at the moment. I’m also working on a bit of internval training with my JOGGING so I can go faster at certain parts (see: very end of a race when you see finish line and want your chocolate milk/free bananna) Does this make me better? No! Do you have to do it? NO! Might I change my mind tomorrow and make up new goals? Quite possibly!

We should support/respect and cheer people on no matter how they look or what they want to do. I personally think walking is amazing exercise and always get mad at clients that say they “JUST WALK.” You guys!! Walking for long periods (or short) is so good for you. You are moving your body. It’s amazing. Get that walk on, you powerhouse.

Cheers to me, cheers to you and cheers to all the other fat joggers out there. Let’s be fat and jog together. Let’s be thin and jog together. Let’s be whatever fucking size we want to be and jog/skip/do yoga/playtennis/dowhatever the hell we want to do that makes us feel good TOGETHER. And how about we stop judging people that do not fit a narrow-minded view of what health and fitness looks like!? 

“You look Great” “No! I ate too much”

This is a conversation I overheard a few weeks ago… Woman A: You look Great! Woman B: Oh no! I ate so much yesterday.

WHAT THE HELL WOMEN OF THE WORLD. I say the world because we both know that this is not the first or last time I will over hear this exchange.

First, as I mentioned last month: if someone gives you a compliment, it is okay to take it even if it makes you uncomfortable. You can check that out —> here!

Secondly, WHAT does your eating have to do with whether or not you look great. It doesn't. Absolutely not. To paint this picture it was also at a workout session so it’s not like these ladies were sitting around eating snickers bars (though that’s cool if you want to. I'm a fan of Aero chocolate bars personally). These were women just like you and I. Regular, normal women that I don’t know, but I’m sure have ups and downs like the rest of us.

Why do we do this?Why do we let food decide if we look great or bad or if we are great/good or bad. It doesn’t have to.

YES of course I understand that if you eat a box of cookies for dinner than you are not going to feel as good as if you have a salad with steamed fish. I get it. I know. I really do. Certain foods make you feel good and certain foods do not. I love cheese and sometimes I eat a lot of it and then feel bad. Does eating said cheese make me all off a sudden not look great? NOPE, still look the same. I might just make me a bit constipated (you are on this website for some truth telling right?!) Sure, if I eat pounds of cheese and cookies everyday for weeks and don’t have any other nutrition I would probably NOT look great. I’m sure I would break out and just generally look and feel like crap.

But when most women have the above exchange, they are not talking about multiple weeks. They are talking about ONE or two days (maybe a weekend). — “Omg I was SO BAD” this weekend!” How many times have you said this or heard someone else say it. Don’t lie to me! I know you have!

This exchange is about giving all the power over to food. It’s letting what you eat be the sole decider on how you feel and and what you think about yourself. And letting “eating so much yesterday” make you feel less than or someone not good enough. You looking great does not suddenly change because you ate too much bread at dinner.

That’s BS.

What does not being/looking great or being/looking bad have do to with whether you ate a lot of food the day before? Does it make you feel better to feel bad about looking back at the day before and deciding you are not good because you didn’t eat like a perfect magical unicorn? If it does make you feel better than by all means carry on, BUT if you are like most women - it doesn’t. Feeling bad about yourself because you “ate too much” or deciding you are “so fat” or “don’t look great” because of one or 2 meals or a weekend away needs to stop. It IS labeling yourself and these times as bad that turns it into a continuous sprial. If you stop doing it and just accept that you ate a bit more bread or a few more cookies or glasses of champagne than you normally do and then call it a day and that’s it. It’s just a day. It does not mean you are NOT GREAT. It does not mean you do not look great. It doesn't mean you are good or bad or anything other than YOU JUST ATE A BIT MORE BREAD. I promise.

Why Your Diet Does Not Work

You know it and you have heard it before, the whole “diets don’t work” thing. I’m not going to say that because I don’t agree. They do work. You eat less food, you lose weight - sure. Great. The problem is that whatever you do is probably not sustainable. I don’t care if it’s paleo, I don’t care if you are doing atkins, counting points, eating sugar free, low carb - all of it.

What usually happens is that you try something new (or maybe that has worked short term in the past) and you are SO excited to do something that will make you feel good. After a short time, IT DOES WORK. You feel great. You feel energized and light and people are complimenting you. It’s brilliant. You were a babe before, but now look at you - right?

Ok, fast forward 2/3/6 months/1 year. Something happens. SEE: LIFE. Life is stressful. It’s not always great or perfect or easy or even comfortable. Stressful things happen with ourselves, in our family, with your friends our jobs, kids. Things happen.

When life is not perfect and *something* happens then you fall back to old patterns. You no longer have time to go to whole foods to get all your organic food and pre made salads (shout out to whole foods amazing salad bar though - amiright?! I hope heaven involves a giant delicious salad bar), you don’t have time for breakfast, you meet friends for drinks in the evening and you say you are only going to have 1 drink, but you have 3 or 4 after not eating dinner and then go home and end up eating way to much in your refrigerator and then feel bad and say “ughhhh I messed up.”

I get it. It sucks. Then the next day you feel like you have to make up for the day before. It’s a pretty shitty cycle and a bit of a mind f*ck.

What does work long term and before you hate me for saying this just go with me on it… what works is making a lifestyle change. And YES part of that could mean eating less carbs and sugar (maybe). Maybe it means more. Maybe you start eating dark chocolate every morning with your breakfast. It also includes exercising in a way that works for you (not that you hate or feels like a chore), doing things that FEEL good, eating what YOU want, paying attention to what your body is actually craving not what you think you should be eating. Most importantly - making a change means not being so damn hard on yourself and calling yourself bad/wrong/ thinking you messed up just because you had a bit more to drink or eat one evening/one week/one month.

Every day is a new day. You are not stuck.

I know it sounds easier said than done. It takes time. It takes time to get to a place where you are in a place that you can look in the mirror and say “I look good” It takes time to STOP saying “ugh I messed up” if you've been “good” all day and then eat a brownie at 11pm and feel bad about it. I get it. If this is something you want to work on, let’s chat. Jump over here to set up a free 30 min chat with me. We can talk about salad bars and cookies and eating our feelings all we want, but I can also help you stop obsessing about all of this and stop making excuses so you can be happy.

Why you do not need to tell everyone how busy you are. Busy is not better.

You know when you ask someone how they are and they say "OMG SO BUSY" and then list all the million and one things they are doing/have seen/ate/experienced/planned? No one cares. It's annoying. We are all busy.

I’m so glad you are feeling excited/happy/wonderful I’m also sad you are feeling lonely/depressed/anxious. I feel all the feels with you.

But I don’t need a play by play of ALL the parts of your day.

Back when I started coaching I used to over explain what I did.

Why did I do this? Because at the start you want people to get it and you have moments of insecurity (Maybe you are never insecure, but I sometimes was and I’m human so I still have times where I am in life!) and thought that the more I explain, the more this person will get it. Now I don’t do this because no one cares about the 10 interesting things I’m doing. Well some do, but usually not really. I used to feel like I had to prove what I was doing. Now I just do my own thing. As long as long as I feel good about it, then I’m doing it right.

What I have noticed - and again this might not be true for you, but it’s what I have seen in other people/myself is that when someone does this - when they need to tell you all the bits of their productivity/busyness it is coming from a place of insecurity. It comes from a place of feeling like you have to come off a certain way because you don’t want the other person to think you are boring/lazy/stupid/uninteresting (insert other shitty adjectives). Telling/sharing every bit of your day/busyness/productivity becomes a way to make sure the other person doesn’t think they are any of those adjectives.

Does anyone want their friend, colleague, mom, sister, post office delivery man to think they are less than amazing everyday? No, of course not! But in reality you are the only one that really matters. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Your busyness does not equate to being better/best/good.

So when someone asks you “what did you do this weekend?” It doesn’t have to be: “I woke up and then got my nails done and went for a run before hitting the gym and saw my friend Susan and went shopping (got 2 things on sale!) and then made my own pizza for my girls night pizza party then watched 4 episodes of house of cards. Sunday was crazy I had brunch with some friends then volunteered at the animal shelter for 4 hours then made some delicious gluten free pasta for dinner. I'm SO tired, but it was so great.”

I LOVE THAT YOU DID ALL THOSE THINGS, but you do NOT have anything to prove. It’s great if you are busy. It’s great if you are not busy. One is not better than the other. Just do your thing girl. Keep being you. If that looks like making gluten free pasta and volunteering for 4 hours and hanging out with Susan - AWESOME. If that means painting your nails and eating snacks in between streaming shows on Netflix (I know nothing about that scenario…) - AWESOME!

Either way - don’t feel the need to give proof of your busyness/productivity/general greatness because you don’t want someone else to think you negatively about you. They might and it’s okay. You listing a to do list won't change their opinion. No one thinks happy positive thoughts about everyone all the time. If you feel good about your day and your life then that's what is really important - not the gluten free pasta you made from scratch.

10 things to say sayonara to in 2016

The 10 things you need to say sayonara to in 2016...drum roll please...

1. People you don’t like but hang out with anyway

2. Saying yes when you want to say no

3. Comparing yourself to others (your career, your job, your relationships, ALL THE THINGS)

4. Drinking when you don’t actually want a drink but all your friends are. Eating when you don’t want to eat, but all your friends are. Or eating salad when you want a burger. Eat the damn burger. Eat the salad/pizza/kale/chicken wings. What you want not what someone else says you should/everyone else is getting/you think you are going to get fat from this one meal.

5. Saying “tomorrow” when you could do it today.

6. Your long lists of excuses

7. Perfectionism. It’s okay to be good not great at something.

8. Checking your phone first thing in the morning. At least pee or drink some water first, okay?

9. Not taking care of yourself when we both know how much you take care of other people. You need some love too.

10. The voice in your head that says you aren’t good enough or smart enough or thin enough or pretty enough. F*ck off voice. Say it out loud and with me NOW - F*CK OFF VOICE.

Bonus = 11. You decide. What do you need to leave in 2015? What do you need to let go of and say goodbye to? Is it a person, a habit, a way of thinking, a dress you never wear? GOODBYE negative things that make you feel bad, hold you back and take up your energy. HELLO good things. See you in 2016!

Eating dumplings for breakfast, challenging yourself and other lessons learned from a week empowering teenage girls in China

Earlier this month, I spent time in Kunming China teaming up Fuel The Happy with Bright & Beautiful, a program bringing girls from rural China together to build self-esteem and discover hidden potential through various art forms. These are girls that have to work harder to access resources that many others throughout China and the world can easily find. These are girls growing up in families that have lost parents. These are girls growing up with very limited financial resources and opportunities. These are girls growing up in families being told they aren’t good enough because they are a girl and not a boy. Before going I knew that I would be one of the only native english speakers, though a few of the rest of the team did speak English. I was nervous, excited and didn’t know what to expect. Yes, this is the work I do, but I have never been in a situation where I could not speak the same language as the girls I would be working with. Why the hell would I go if I didn’t speak the language? I wanted to go because I like to - ok wait like is not the right word- I know it is important (better word) to challenge myself. I believe it is important to seek out and go after things that make you a bit nervous - that challenge you, that make you question yourself and take you out of your comfort zone. That is why. These are the times for growth.

We danced, we did improv, we wrote about and shared our dreams, we talked about health, we played games, we exercised, we drew, we made dolls, we laughed a lot and cried a lot. I led the girls in mini workout routines, taught them how to make salads and make healthy choices, and led writing exercises and sharing circles to encourage them to talk about their dreams, fears and struggles. As the days went on, the girls started to open up and show their strength. They started to embrace having fun, trying new things, and sharing. Seeing them open up inspired me to do the same.

It was hard. I felt isolated part of the time. I felt energized, I felt that I inspired, motivated and empowered. I also felt overwhelmed, confused and frustrated. I even cried at one point - In a group therapy session - in Mandarin… while someone translated what I said… Why did I cry? I shared that I often am the strong one. I worry about being vulnerable myself and having clients and friends not thinking I can help them because I have my own doubts and fears. While I shared this, I realized, NO! THIS is exactly why I am a great coach and leader. When I shared, the rest of the group opened up and told me how much impact I am having on the girls, how much they are learning from me and how motivating I am for them. We also had a psychologist on the team who said that he saw something special within me before I even started sharing. This feedback meant a lot to me. If I had not been vulnerable, I would never have known any of this. The reason I am sharing part of this story is because I want you to know that no matter who you are - IT IS OKAY to share your vulnerabilities. It is okay to be the strong one, but then still need hugs and love and someone to listen to you as well.

I left with a whole bunch of new friends from all over China, a huge ego about my great chopsticks skills (after everyone being impressed that I can in fact use them - too funny) and having tasted pig intestine. Wins all around.

Everyone there was hoping to help and inspire and guide. but the truth is, THEY really inspired us.

One of the girls gave me a necklace. She said it was a necklace she has had her whole life that she brings everywhere. It is special to her and it has brought her luck in life. She wanted me to have it to remember my first trip to China and to give me luck in my own life. (insert warm fuzzy feelings and happy tears) Another girl gave me a doll she made because she wanted to know how much it meant for me to be there and she wanted to give me a piece of her heart so I would never forget her. These girls do not have much and their gifts - something they made, have, or a special note they wrote me thanks to google translate meant SO much. No matter what they have been through, experienced or the worries they have - they still have these incredibly huge hearts that want to love and share love. It was moving and beautiful. I hope they never lose that warmth and love.

When you teach other people, you often relearn the lessons yourself. What I learned from these girls and that I hope you can too is that it does not matter what you have or don’t have. It does not matter where you are from. We all have a special gift. We should share it. We should be kind to people. We should be open. We shouldn’t be afraid to have fun. We need to be brave.

We can accept our past and move on from it - it doesn’t have to define who we are.

Blog Procrastination and My First Post!

My First Post

Oh, hey there!

Let’s be real. This blog has been ready to go for some time now. Why hasn’t it? I didn’t feel “ready." I felt like I needed to have 20 posts ready to go before I hit send. Where did that get me? It left me without a blog. I felt like whatever I published was going to be the final version so it had to be PERFECT. Because you can’t change or edit a blog or anything like that can you… oh of course not. Then I took the advice I often give clients: GET OVER YOURSELF. JUST DO IT. So hello world. HERE I AM! I am getting over myself and sharing with the world. By world I mean my mom and 5 friends that will read this (Hi mom and 5 friends!)

I’ve thought a lot about why I have not hit “publish” and shared. Here are some of the reasons:

• What are people going to think about this?
• People just aren’t going to get it. Why is she talking about food/life/what the hell is fueling the happy?
• People will critique my ideas, my writing style and of course my grammar (which yes, I realize is rarely correct)
• What if I run out of things to say after a month?
• AHHH being vulnerable is scary.
• Can I even help anyone?
• What if I change my mind about something I said?
• Who even would want to read anything I say.
• There are people already doing what I am doing. I’m late to the party.

This is all of it. I have allowed this to stop me from sharing my blog. I know why. As soon as I share this and go public then I am committing. I am committing to this dream that I have been quietly building for myself. Instead of only sharing with close family, friends and my clients - I am sharing with the world. I am putting myself out for people to judge me/make fun of me/criticize me. But you know what? I am also putting myself out there for people to celebrate me/cheer me on/really connect.  I am putting myself out there to help other people, motivate and inspire which is the whole point. By doing this, by sharing this website, I am stopping myself from having one foot in and one out. I am committing.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

Listening to the above advice from William Hutchinson Murray, I am going to BEGIN.

Hi, here I am. My name is Kim and I am on a mission to help women love themselves. I help women tell the voices in their heads that tell them they can’t do something that OF COURSE THEY FUCKING CAN (there will be naughty language on my blog - you are welcome). I want women to take the things that they have always wanted to do - the somedays and help them do it now. Hate you job? want to go to Fiji? want to lose weight? not happy with your friends? How long have you complained about this? What are you doing to change it? It is easier to complain about things than take action. Life is too short to waste it doing something/being around people that do not bring you happiness. I believe in fueling your happy. One of the areas I am most passionate about is food and healthy eating. Health and weight and how you *THINK* you look in a mirror often reflects the value you believe you have in the world. I believe that taking small steps in this area can help you take bigger steps in other areas. Or maybe you don’t have an issue with this and you are just sick of your job, but you have spent to last two years complaining about it to your friends and not taking steps to change something. This is the stuff that excites me. I love helping people create change and encouraging them to move forward.

Are some people going to think what am I doing is nonsense? Sure. Haters gunna hate. I’m here for people that on board with cutting out the BS, getting real and taking real action. This blog is going to be a public space for me to share with you challenges I face, adventures I go in, tons of discussion on food, friendships, fitness, body image, and the ups and downs of everyday life. I’m not going to carefully edit. I am going to say whatever pops into my head (much like being my friend in real life for those of you that know me well). I am not going to apologize for being me. Stay around and come back often if you want to join me. If you want to here about what will be next, sign up here.